i used to think i hated kids. thats why i didnt want any. but then i had my own kid and i was all like, "oh, i really like her, so maybe i don't hate kids?"
but then, this morning, just as i was getting used to the idea of not hating kids, some prick 5 year old boy at the park walked up to you, grabbed you by the arms, swung you to the side, threw you in the sand on your face, and kicked you. not like it would make it any better if there was a reason, but there was no reason. A RANDOM ACT OF HATE. you were just standing there coveting another little girl's cracker.
i was standing like 4 feet away. so was dickhead's non-english speaking nanny. actually i dont even know which non-english speaking nanny was his, because there was like 7 of them (and while we're on the subject, if you speak another language, never assume that the white girl doesn't understand your language... cuz i understood pretty much every word they said.... and it made me really happy that i dont have a nanny).
anyway, i ran and picked you up (you were too shocked to even cry, you just grabbed onto me and put your head on my shoulders and asked for a baba), and i SCREAMED at the little asshole, "DON'T YOU TOUCH MY BABY!!!" i didn't even get to see if i made him cry. i screamed in his face. i hope i did. i hope my outburst will steer him off the path of becoming a murderer and rapist, which he is clearly on his way to being.
i'm sure by now you've forgotten about the sandbox incident of '08. but i havent. i've been thinking about it all day. to me it was more than just a mean boy being a mean boy. i got to thinking about what advice i'm going to have for you when you're old enough to cry about being bullied at school.
when i was in school i was for the most part in the "popular" group. but even so there is always going to be someone who has better hair and is thinner and richer than you. it truly doesnt matter how cool you are. pretty much everyone gets bullied, and if you didn't get bullied than you probably were the bully, which basically means you suck.
so i thought long and hard about what the grownup advice way is to deal with bullies. and it occurred to me: i dont know. because even as a grownup - there are still bullies. and i still let them get me down. so rather than telling you how to deal with a situation when a bully makes you feel bad, i'll tell you this...
you're amazing. you are so precious and perfect and just really amazing. i never ever want you to feel anything other than that. you're not even a year and a half old - it didnt hurt your feelings when that horrible boy pushed you. but when the day comes that a horrible boy pushes you and you're old enough to understand - i hope you remember how wonderful you are. and how there is always at LEAST one person who you mean the entire world to.
for a while i will be able to fight your fights for you, but when the day comes that someone trips you, or pulls your hair, or makes fun of you, please remember how great you are. don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. above all other things, i hope the one gift of wisdom i can teach you is self worth. i hope that i can give you the tools to really know in your heart what a wonderful person you are and accept nothing but the most wonderful treatment from those around you.
in other words... when life gives you a face full of sand, build a castle.
love you,
mama
5 comments:
Katie - thank you once again for reminding me how important it is to teach our daughters how great they are and how much they mean to us. Like you, I never wanted children and really am not a fan of other people's kids. I think both of us are building beautiful sand castles.
Hugs,
Shani - another March mommy
PS. No need to approve the comment to you blog. I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your writing and you really help me put a lot of what I feel for my LO into such beautiful words. Thank you.
You are a wise and amazing mama.
much love.
xo.
What a wonderful post. I love the sandcastles thought at the end. Thank-you for always reminding me to slow down and hug my little girl every single day.
katie, it seems that life gives us what it does and builds us into people better equiped to pass on the message taught to us. and you'll do that for your daughter.
those words you wrote aren't just for claire but for you too. i hope you "really know in your heart what a wonderful person you are and accept nothing but the most wonderful treatment from those around you."
This post made me tear up. You really have a way with words. My baby was born a week after yours, and you brought tears to my eyes. I am in love with the bit of "sand castle" positivity at the end. Okay, I'm going to hug my baby now. :)
Keep being awesome.
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