dear claire,
there is someone who was very important in my life that you never got to meet. my papa, my mother's father. since you are so obsessed with YOUR papa this month, i thought i'd tell you a little bit about mine. my mom and i were talking about the frustrating job of attempting to communicate with a tantrumy toddler when she turned to me and said "your papa always used to say how much easier it becomes when they can 'tell you where it hurts.'" ha ha ha. wouldn't that be nice.
in case you are all grown up and reading this someday and i'm old and crappy, i want to tell you about my papa before i forget. i don't have a diary, so these letters kind of serve as the only way for me to preserve not only my memories of you, but my memories of what i'd like you to know.
in my mind my papa ties for first place in the kick-ass department with your papa. he was AMAZING. looking back on my childhood, i tend to remember certain events and activities i shared with him. like puzzles, and card tricks, and candy... but any papa can do that. what i want to share with you is the life lessons i learned from him. generosity, forgiveness and patience. ironically, the same traits i see your papa teaching you. isn't it funny how you don't see it at the time when you are the student? we take it all for granted. it isn't till you're 28 and you see you're own daughter's eyes light up at the sight of her papa that you really realize how much your papa made your eyes light up.
it's been a long time since i thought about the sound of his voice, or the smell of his old spice. the way he made me feel so special by letting me sit in his chair. if there was one person i could bring back for even just a moment to see your face it would be him. damn, he would love you so much.
you are talking so much now. tonight at my parent's house you were so concerned with the whereabouts of your papa. every time he left the room you'd yell out "paPA!?" he'd come and pick you up and throw you up in the air and play "i'm gunna get you!" and call you a "silly goose". you are lucky. your papa is just as good as mine was.
he knows how to teach generosity, forgiveness and patience through example. he will make sure that you always have everything you need, he will forgive you no matter how ridiculous you are, and no matter how many times you push his buttons he will be there for you, he will be there and be exactly what you need. he will be the one person to whom you can do no wrong. i know this because he did it for me.
my papa was amazing. your papa picked up where mine left off. my papa taught me how to be a good daughter. i don't ever want my dad to leave this earth not knowing how much i love him. losing my papa made me realize that you can't take people like that for granted. ironically, your papa has taught me how to be a good mother. i never want you to go a day on this earth without feeling the happiness your papa made me feel. i do, and i will try my best to treat you how he treats me... with generosity, forgiveness, and patience.
so even though right now you speak a crazy foreign toddler language, and you throw tantrums in the middle of target, and you hit the cat, and never eat dinner... you're doing ok. we're doing ok. tonight i was thinking about us. i was thinking about how a few days ago you turned to me and said "i love you mommy." for the first time ever. and i think that's pretty important.
you may not be able to tell me where it hurts yet, but you can tell me where it doesn't. right in your big toddler heart.
my papa would be so proud of us.
i love you too baby,
mama
there is someone who was very important in my life that you never got to meet. my papa, my mother's father. since you are so obsessed with YOUR papa this month, i thought i'd tell you a little bit about mine. my mom and i were talking about the frustrating job of attempting to communicate with a tantrumy toddler when she turned to me and said "your papa always used to say how much easier it becomes when they can 'tell you where it hurts.'" ha ha ha. wouldn't that be nice.
in case you are all grown up and reading this someday and i'm old and crappy, i want to tell you about my papa before i forget. i don't have a diary, so these letters kind of serve as the only way for me to preserve not only my memories of you, but my memories of what i'd like you to know.
in my mind my papa ties for first place in the kick-ass department with your papa. he was AMAZING. looking back on my childhood, i tend to remember certain events and activities i shared with him. like puzzles, and card tricks, and candy... but any papa can do that. what i want to share with you is the life lessons i learned from him. generosity, forgiveness and patience. ironically, the same traits i see your papa teaching you. isn't it funny how you don't see it at the time when you are the student? we take it all for granted. it isn't till you're 28 and you see you're own daughter's eyes light up at the sight of her papa that you really realize how much your papa made your eyes light up.
it's been a long time since i thought about the sound of his voice, or the smell of his old spice. the way he made me feel so special by letting me sit in his chair. if there was one person i could bring back for even just a moment to see your face it would be him. damn, he would love you so much.
you are talking so much now. tonight at my parent's house you were so concerned with the whereabouts of your papa. every time he left the room you'd yell out "paPA!?" he'd come and pick you up and throw you up in the air and play "i'm gunna get you!" and call you a "silly goose". you are lucky. your papa is just as good as mine was.
he knows how to teach generosity, forgiveness and patience through example. he will make sure that you always have everything you need, he will forgive you no matter how ridiculous you are, and no matter how many times you push his buttons he will be there for you, he will be there and be exactly what you need. he will be the one person to whom you can do no wrong. i know this because he did it for me.
my papa was amazing. your papa picked up where mine left off. my papa taught me how to be a good daughter. i don't ever want my dad to leave this earth not knowing how much i love him. losing my papa made me realize that you can't take people like that for granted. ironically, your papa has taught me how to be a good mother. i never want you to go a day on this earth without feeling the happiness your papa made me feel. i do, and i will try my best to treat you how he treats me... with generosity, forgiveness, and patience.
so even though right now you speak a crazy foreign toddler language, and you throw tantrums in the middle of target, and you hit the cat, and never eat dinner... you're doing ok. we're doing ok. tonight i was thinking about us. i was thinking about how a few days ago you turned to me and said "i love you mommy." for the first time ever. and i think that's pretty important.
you may not be able to tell me where it hurts yet, but you can tell me where it doesn't. right in your big toddler heart.
my papa would be so proud of us.
i love you too baby,
mama
2 comments:
thanks for talking about him and telling her how special he was it us.
oh wow...now I'm a puddle...thank you for writing these letters to your angel! You've encouraged me to start a book of letters for my own leading lady!
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