twenty one months

dear claire,

happy twenty one months to you.  two years is quickly approaching.  i need to start building up a better tolerance for all the booze i'm going to have to drink that day.  oh who am i kidding.  i'm ready, bring it on.

today one of my closest friends told me she is pregnant.  i am so happy for her.  we talked for a bit and i gave her some unsolicited advice about pregnancy and childbirth and newborns.  in doing so i was reminded of this time two years ago, when i was pregnant.  i was starting to get REALLY nervous.  not about being gigantically pregnant, or even about birthing a gigantic child... but about what the hell to do with a newborn.  i was so scared that they were going to hand me this little baby and i would just stand there frozen with fear and refuse to leave the hospital.  i vigorously googled everything i could to try to find some sort of chart or detailed manuscript that would tell me when i was supposed to feed you, and how much, and burp you and change you and make you sleep... and what i was supposed to do when you cried.  i was TERRIFIED. there was no way i could be solely responsible for the well-being of such a miniature, helpless, fragile, human being.  i took a parenting class and it basically showed me how to give you a bath.  thank you west hills hospital for being completely useless.  there really is nothing out there that tells you specifically what to do with your baby all day.  you're just supposed to freaking figure it out i guess.

and i did.  now you are this amazing actual person.  you walked up to me the other day and said "hey YOU!" and then laughed and fell into my lap.  you like mushrooms and edamame and anything that remotely resembles a juicebox.  you love to run and yell AH-HH-HH while you bounce with each step.  you tell me when you have a dirty diaper "POOP!", or when you're hungry "EAT!" or when you're tired "nigh nigh mommy".  in 21 months i've gone from the person who must do EVERYTHING for you, including charting every ounce you drank, puked, peed and poo'd... to the person who simply lifts you up for things you can not reach, chauffeurs you to your many endeavors and buys you cool stuff.  it's gone by so fast, it's unreal.

you voted this month.  we voted for the first black president (however, your father did not, so technically we just cancelled each other out, not that it matters... don't even get me started on the electoral vote system).  i hope he doesn't screw it up.  when you're learning about obama in history class, you can tell your teacher that you were there.  in the booth with me.  and you sat with me on the couch for a while and watched the results come in on cnn.  you are so political.  i hope that he brings the changes that our country needs.  i hope that in 2028 when you cast your first presidential vote that you can look back on the first time you were ever in the booth (at 20 months old) and its a positive thought.  i hope that it's a "that guy did good, and i was there" kinda thought.  right now our economy sucks and our troops are fighting a war most people don't support.  so anyway, we voted.  i hope things improve for you.

this month you've become extremely musical.  you pick a word and you sing it to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star.  any word.  for example, if you are standing on a chair and i say, " get down right now!"  you will sing, "get down, get down get down get down.... " and then, "right now right now right now right now...".  sometimes you do it to be silly, and sometimes you do it without even realizing you're doing it.  the best is when i sing along with you.  a huge smile spreads over your face and you giggle and sing even louder with this look like "OMG lady!  how do you know the words?!  i just made this up right now!"  for future reference - i know everything.

you've yet to master your animal sounds.  but you are so cute that it almost doesn't matter.  you think making a fish face is like the funniest thing ever and you LOVE giving fish face kisses.  when asked what a duck says, you say "cock cock!"  hahaaa... close.  dogs say ruff, bears say rawr, trains say choo choo, and mama's say i love you.  thats about all you got.  HOWEVER - you can differentiate between red, green and blue and you sing perfectly in tune.  i'm guessing you are going to be a singer/songwriter/artist... with a phd in awesome.

this month will be our first christmas in the condo.  the first one as our own little 2 person family.  i won't lie... it's not going to be the easiest holiday season i've ever had.  i'm not going to get a tree because you won't remember, and i'd rather spend the money on something that wont die.  it's hard not to have someone by my side sharing all the greatness that is you.  when you twirl around the living room in your christmas dress i don't have anyone to glance at to make sure they saw how cute you looked.  it's hard.  but in the same breath i will tell you - we have a relationship like no other.  i will never stop holding your hand and kissing your lips and playing with your hair and telling you that you are beautiful and snuggling you.  i don't care how old you are.  we have a special bond because of all this.  you've seen me struggle, you've felt me hold on, you've heard me cry.  you will grow up knowing that life isn't always perfect, and because of that, you will cherish the perfect moments. 

nature is amazing.  i knew just what to do to make you blossom into a fantastic toddler.  and somehow, you knew just what to do to turn me into a fantastic mom.  we are both in some way responsible for each other's greatness.  and that is the perfect bond that will keep us strong forever.

loving you closely,

mommy