twenty two months

dear claire,

it's hard to even put to words how amazing this month was. you've changed and grown so much it's unbelievable. in the last four weeks you've gone from a frustrated toddler to a little kid. you totally get that you are not just here to eat sleep and scream. there is something much bigger going on in this world. you now have an imagination, and you have a newfound sense of trust and understanding.









you've graduated from freaking out because you want your shoes both on and off at the same time... to knowing which shoe goes on which foot. i have no idea how you know that. maybe it’s just luck. maybe you are a wizard. you used to stand at the door and meltdown because you wanted to go outside... now, when i tell you its cold outside, you ask me if its raining, and then you ramble on in crazy toddler talk about rain and water and cold and wind. and you wave your little fists in the air as to indicate a shiver and yell "BRRR!" weather is incredibly fascinating.







i love toddler logic. while babysitting, aunt meg showed you a photo of me, and you exclaimed "MOMMY!" then you reached your arms out to the picture and said "mommy... UP?" then one day you and your dad were playing the game when you tell him to turn the lights on and he does and then you tell him to turn the lights off and he does. you say "light OFF!" and then celebrate that he can take direction. and then "light.... ON!" and applaud his quick response again. one day while you were playing the light game i called him on the phone. you knew it was me because you recognized the ring tone. when he hung up the phone you looked at him and demanded, "mommy ON!" brilliant.











you are entering this phase where everything has a reason. everything must make sense. and you must narrate it all. when i pick up my phone you yell out the name of the last person i called. when i put on my shoes and grab my keys you remind me of the last place we went, and that i'm forgetting my cell phone. you point out things you are proud to know the name of... including when we are at a restaurant and you see a glass of wine and yell out "MOMMY'S DRINK!" i wasn't embarrassed. i swear. that’s just one step closer to being old enough to fetch me a glass. progress: we haz it.









you gave me the best christmas present ever. a few nights before christmas you woke up at 2:30am screaming (bad dream i think) so i brought you into bed with me. at 5:50am you woke up wanted to start your day and i was like 'oh hell no'. then the sweetest morning followed....

me: claire, sweetie, it's dark outside. we don’t get up till the sun gets up. go back to sleep ok?
you: dark?
me: yep
you: yeah.... dark.... owwshide.
me: exactly.
you: mommy?
me: yes?
you: cold owwshide. yeah.... and dark owwshide.
me: tru dat. lay down please baby.

you lay down, then you rolled over to me and wrapped your arms around me and put your head on my chest.

you: mommy?
me: yes baby.
you: more 'hold you' peez.

so i scoop you up on me and hold you tight and we lay there for about a half-hour. then you woke up again. and you whisper...

you: mommy.... light owwshide....
me: yes baby, but i don't wanna get up yet. come snuggle me.

so you rolled back over to me and started playing with my hair, gently brushing it away from my face. then you whisper "nigh nigh mommy, i love you" (just like i say to you every night as i rub your head).













overall, 2008 turned out to be a pretty good year in the end. the adjustments our family went through in the beginning were tough on me for a while... but i don't think you noticed. we'll make every year a little better than the last. each passing year is essentially a compilation of memories and lessons... bound by hope. 2008 will always be wrapped up sitting in my heart as the hardest year i ever had. the but as difficult as it was a times, when all was said and done, i was left with an overwhelming sense of hope for the years to come. we're starting the new year right this time. january is not filled with anxiety and february will not be smothered with tears. i'm not afraid to be a divorcedsingleworking mother. i'm just elated i'm your mother. so here we are, starting off on the right foot, not to mention our shoes on the right feet. oh hai 2009.



loving you for years to come,

-mommy