thirty one months

dear claire,

i missed a few. well, i didn't miss them, but i didn't write about them. for a minute, i felt bad about it. but then when i really sat down and replayed every evening in my head i knew why i didn't write about them and i was ok with it. my priorities were as follows: you, our future, our livelihood, my sanity, documentation. so i don't feel bad. i think i sat on the couch a total of 3 times in the last 3 months, and all 3 times - you were on my lap, and that, my dear, is what you'll remember in your heart. you wont need a blog to remember it, and neither will i.








so, let's catch up. i turn 29 on monday. being the magical number that comes before 30 has caused me to be all *big picture*. i'll start there. let me sum up the big picture that you have become over the summer. you purchased the cliff notes on "being two". you test me whenever possible. if i say "jump!", you say "how high?" and then you say, "no mommy, I DON'T WANNA JUMP. I WANNA SIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT." *explosion*.... *child falls to the floor*.... *one eye peeks up from under the hand that was dramatically placed over face to check reaction of parent*.

ETC.







so, basically, you've got that down. you officially get your certificate de la terrible two. i'm not going to pretend you're peaches and cream. but honestly, that's part of what makes you awesome. and it's part of what makes me a good parent. we're learning together. every time you test me is a chance for us both to learn. i say "jump!", you say "how high?" and then, "no mommy, I DON'T WANNA JUMP. I WANNA SIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT." *explosion*.... *child falls to the floor*.... *one eye peeks up from under the hand that was dramatically placed over face to check reaction of parent*. and i say "oh dear! how sad! do you think you want to be a good listener? orrrrrrr do you think you want a time out to think about it?"







and that moment, is what makes us *us*. you push, i shove, we hug. honestly, i was a little afraid of your terrible two's, but when it really comes down to it, i LOVE it. i feel like the real parenting is just beginning. well, ok... when you were a newborn if someone told me that the *real* parenting doesnt start for another 31 months i might have beat my own face up, but sorry, the first 31 months were easy peasy compared to this sh*t (oh by the way did i mention you've dropped the f-bomb twice this week and i SWEAR you didn't hear it from me, but anyway thankfully i've taught you to replace it with "oh snap! i'm a hot mess!" - hahahhaa - i'm not kidding), and ok i'll admit the whole "i don't sleep ever because i have a newborn" sucked, and "i don't sleep ever because my 9 month old is teething" sucked too, and "i dont sleep ever because i just put my two year old in a toddler bed" sucked, but srsly, not only do i now have to spell every other @&$#* word, but now i have to be all *smart* and convince a small person who has no logic of things like vegetables and bed times and not licking grocery carts that they should act like a human, and if you remember... I HAVENT SLEPT IN THE LAST F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G TWO YEARS. so outsmarting a two year old, while it may seem like a breeze, is no walk in the park.

oh snap!!!









in other news, i would like to point out some observations from this month:

most busses are ORANGE, not yellow. also. they are big.
it's never bedtime. like, ever.
CLAIRE IS NOT A BABY AND YOU ARE PRACTICALLY SINNING IF YOU CALL HER ONE.
your friend gavin at school apparently hits a lot.
and according to you, "hitting is NOT NICE. you are in BIG TROUBLE GAVIN."
the end of the alphabet song ALWAYS ends with the cat's name, "now i know my ABC's, next time won't you sing with meeee..... AVAAAAAAA." please oblige.
you can basically use my iphone better than i can.
you are officially the best snuggler ever and you could probably charge me for your snuggles and i would pay.
you care what you wear (and are willing to throw yourself on the ground for the proper clothing. i.e. pink dresses and princess shoes).
you care more about chipped nail polish that i do.









so when i look at the big picture sometimes i think about what you'll be like when you grow up. and two things comes to mind. the first is that, i see every one of my "good" qualities in you (you're welcome). the second is that you have all these other amazing qualities that aren't my specialty that i swear to you i'm doing everything in my power to embrace them and grow them and help you to continue to become the amazing person you were born. and i think that that's such a huge part of parenting that's often forgotten. my job isn't to teach you not to cuss, or tell you how high to jump, those things are just sidework. i'm here to look at you and know you. i'm here to be your person who pays attention to you when you need to become who you want to be. your good, your bad, your inbetween. no matter what you are, no matter what you do, i'm your shoulder, i'm your helping hand, i'm your support, i'm the person bending over backwards, i'm your hug, i'm your snuggle, i'm your high five, i'm your smile and your tissue and your pats. i'm your mama. my number one job is you. there will never be a timeline or dollar amount or lack of patience that interfere with this job. i made you, and every single chance i have, i will hold you and tell you i love you.

that's what being a mom is about.



love you. really, you. just as you are.

-mama