six months

dear claire,

happy half birthday. last year at this time i had just found out i was pregnant. i stood in the bathroom staring at a white stick with 2 bright blue lines staring back up at me. you took my breath away then and you continue to take my breath away now. it's amazing to think that just one year ago this week your heart had just began to start working. i remember the ultrasound tech pointing out to me the "beginning flickers of a heart beat" on the screen. you were smaller than a half of a pea, and yesterday you ate peas for lunch.

this month you've mastered the fine art of rolling over. its the most annoying milestone you've met thus far. i mean, ok... thumbs up and everything but practicing your new found talent at 1am... and 3am... and 6am... seems a little excessive. remember the good ole days when you used to sleep through the night? now every few hours you roll over, FLAIL AROUND AIMLESSLY, stick your arm and leg through the slats in the crib and wedge them in there until you can't move and then scream for help. you know what might help you? velcro.

horray for the mall! last week you made it through a 3-hour trip to the mall without completely losing it. you whimpered once when you dropped your pacifier and once when some crazy asian lady tried to squeeze you. other than that you were a perfect lady. im convinced that your sudden change in heart is a direct result of the fact that i purchased the babygap store in its entirety. you know whats good for you, don't you? clothing. pacifiers. diversity.

you really are getting a kick out of singing in the last few weeks. especially "the isty bitsy spider". that is your FAVORITE SONG. guess why? because its the only children's song i know. sorry. but to my credit, i can also do the hand motions that go along with it. you especially enjoy the part where the sun "dries up all the rain". my arms are over my head recreating the shape of the sun, and i lean from side to side to signify the "drying" of the rain. i don't even know. i think i may have made that part up, but it totally makes sense. this song makes you VERY happy. i try not to do it TOO often though, because i'm afraid that one day we'll be out in a public place and you'll start crying for me to do the song. then i'll sing it, and you'll cry harder because i'm not doing the hand motions. then i'll be forced to look stupid in public so that my screaming child doesn't turn blue from refusing to breathe. but i have a feeling i will get over this. much like i have gotten over my resistance to own "brightly colored things". i used to live in a very monotone world until you came along. now the living room looks like gay pride parade exploded. you are wearing on me. its only a matter of time before im sporting a disney jump suit and pink glitter shoelaces, running around clapping my hands and insisting that people to do things to show they are happy and they know it.

this month we gave you solids for the first time. WHY they call it "solids"... i do not know. it is quite un-solid if you ask me. following dr.'s orders we started with organic rice cereal. yu-um. you didn't love it. you were slightly confused, a bit disgusted, and completely intrigued by the cat for some reason. hello this is like the most important day of your life so far - eating something that doesn't smell like feet, and you are hypnotized by the stupid fat cat who sleeps in your bumbo. oh, the best part about the entire experience... just as i was about to sneak another spoon full of mush into your mouth - you turned your head and i jabbed you in the eye. and we caught it on video. some day when you stumble across the footage i will take you out to lunch as an apology. maybe i'll let you shovel something "solid" in my eye too.

so here we are... a half a year down. you are exiting "phase newborn" right before my very eyes. you totally kicked butt. major. you've quadrupled your weight. and you've quadrupled the size of my heart. thank god you did... otherwise i don't know where i'd keep all the love.

love you for another 140 half years baby,

-your mama

five months

dear my lady,

congratulations and welcome to five months old. since you're such a big girl now, we've bumped your curfew to 6pm and if you keep your grades up we'll let you have a corona with dinner.

i remember when you were super crazy tiny and people would tell me "don't wish away the newborn stage, they grow up SO FAST." i would gaze at them with drowsy, delirious eyes and remind myself that THEY didn't have to wake up every 3 hours every single day, only to be rewarded with ear-piercing screams and poop diapers. i would sit around in a zombie-like state with baby puke running down my cleavage and mascara all over my face, day dreaming of your future smiles and chuckles and ability to hold up your own head. guess what, baby? THAT DAY HAS COME.

you are super fun now. this month you've found both your feet and your hands. fists are the most delicious things you have ever tasted in your entire life. you are so happy to see them each time. when you get bored you start to get really mad. you look around angrily - there must be something interesting around here - and then voila! a fist appears out of thin air, just waiting to be gnawed on. and just when it seems life couldn't get any better, something catches your eye... is it?... no... it couldn't be... A FOOT! i was watching you the first moment you realized your foot was attached to your body and you could make it do stuff. you seemed really confused. it will all make sense soon enough, i promise. you'll use that foot to kick some ass eventually.

you've become quite independent this month. you are trying your hardest to hold you own bottle. i consider this good practice for future wine bottle holding. not to mention the fact that this frees up mama's hand to hold my own bottle. very important. you've also discovered that your voice does a little more that ahhhh and ooooo.... it also SQUEALS. like a mermaid. every time you squeal i look over and expect you to be on the verge of tears. your squeal sounds so mad! but you are happy. you couldn't be any happier if your squeals were laced with nipples and clean diapers. you've just discovered a new sound you're capable of sharing with the world. and you are forcing everyone to love the sound of a high pitched, glass breaking, ear drum shattering squeal.... all because you accompany it with your adorable smile.

This month you celebrated your first 4th of july. you are very patriotic. we went to the yacht club with the cusworth's. you stayed awake pretty much the entire time. it was ridiculous. i tried to lay you in your stroller, but standing strong on your "refusing to use anything with the laura ashley cantebury print" rule, you opted out of a stroller nap. much like you have continuously opted out of your car seat. your carphobia came close to giving me a stroke last week driving home from the zoo - so we didn't even go home. with you FLIPPING OUT in the back seat i drove to your nana's, handed my sweet little hysterical baby to her and headed to target to buy you a new carseat. your carphobia has almost completely disappeared. apparently eddie bauer is much more acceptable than laura ashley. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

you've been telling us lots of stories lately. most of them involve "ah-goo", "hoo", and "lala", and almost all of them end happily with squeals of delight and a good fist gnawing session. you tell much more exciting stories than i do. most of mine involve "yahoo", "ho", and "yomama", and usually end with the revelation that i am better than everyone else. sometimes when you notice i may be feeling left out you grab my finger and try to gnaw on MY hand. or my shoulder, or my eyelid. really, whatever is closest. i am the most delicious mama ever.

speaking of delicious, have you any idea how delicious you are? you keep getting better and better. perfection is hard to improve on (i would know), but you manage to do it every single day. your legs keep getting longer, your eyes brighter, your smile bigger, you skin softer, your voice sweeter, your arms stronger, your laugh louder... you just, you really complete me. i didn't even know my life was missing something so huge and important until you came along and filled it up. and every moment you grow, i grow with you - as a mother, and a person. you give me an excuse to feel good, even during times when there's not much to feel good about.

i just love you,

mama

four months

dear baby girl,

happy 4 month birthday! it's amazing how the time is flying by. it seems like just five seconds ago you were a skinny little fetus who never opened her eyes and didn't even have the energy to cry. now you have more fat rolls than mama (yes!), and you are bright eyed and bushy tailed trying to sit up all by yourself and basically be the boss of everyone.

this month you've become incredibly aware of your surroundings. you spend your waking hours paying attention to everything around you. you ooooooh and aaaaaah in response to people's voices, you look surprised a lot, and you smile like a kid in a candy store (or a breastfed baby in a topless bar). you really enjoy checkin' things out... sometimes its as simple as watching tivo'd episodes of the office with mama or as complex as counting all the lesbian cats we have.

alas, the best part of your wonderful world of awareness includes your decision to hate the car. as soon as your car seat clicks into its base you scream like you've just been told that santa is nothing but a big fat scientologist. and you don't stop. ever. you get louder if we stop at a red light. you get louder when i try to calm you. louder if i turn the music up or down, the air warmer or cooler, the windows open or closed. any effort on my part to make your noise stop just intensifies the blood curdling shrieks. on the bright side... i can drive like a total jerk, because there is no way any cop will ever have the guts to give me a ticket. honestly, he wouldn't even be able to ask me for my license and registration because NOBODY CAN HEAR ANYTHING OVER YOUR LOVELY VOICE. so... thank you, for that.

on to new claire developments...

after you sneeze you make the cutest little noise, like - "aaaahhhm". please never stop doing that. its the sweetest post sneeze sound i've ever heard. totally masks the grossness of the drool dripping off the lampshade in the aftermath of your mouth explosion.

when we're feeding you and you are ready to burp you raise your left arm up. it's like a little lever letting us know you are full. how did you get so smart? i must have had something to do with it. your daddy still does not know which drawer the wine opener goes in... so obviously i've got all the brains.

you're sleeping about 10 hours at night now. high fiver! we did however discover that diapers are not designed to hold 10 hours worth of pee. and herein lies our first big parental decision: let the baby sleep in a puddle of her own pee, or wake the sleeping baby for a diaper change and risk no longer having a sleeping baby? after many moments of thought i decided this... if the sleeping baby did not like laying in her pee she would wake up on her own. i mean really, it's all nice and warm, and pee is sterile, and i change your crib sheet after you pee on it! no harm no foul. let sleeping (peeing) babies lie.

so here we are, four months later. i remember when you were born, looking at toys that were labeled "four months and up" and feeling that day would never come. you were always going to be a tiny little baby bunny. and now you're all strong and curious and just beautiful. you're an amazing baby. just a little hint of a smile on your face warms my ice cold heart. i can't get enough of you. some days i just carry you around the house with me all day till you fall asleep for your nap. your chubby little hands hold on to me tight when i carry you... please don't ever let go sweetie, and i wont either.




love you for always,

mama

three months

dear claire,

congrats on eating, sleeping and pooping your way to 3 months old. you are quite a little loli-pop. it's truly amazing how you change every single day. every morning daddy gets you out of your crib and brings me a different baby than the one we put to bed the night before. you are so happy all morning long. especially during your diaper changes. apparently having someone else wipe your butt for you is a very pleasant experience. i can only imagine. you are also beginning to make some new noises and starting to have a little voice. you used to sound like a lamb and/or a donkey. now you sound like a little monkey. we love it.

something great happened this month, baby. you love to smile! turns out, i was right. you'd been saving them up. and now you are practically laughing at us. you really have the cutest smile i've ever seen. you get this look on your face like, "i have no idea what's going on, but you people are totally nuts." your smile is my favorite thing about you, and it makes me feel the urge to drink less often than when you screamed at me all day. always a plus.

this month you went on your very first vacation. happy memorial day. we went to the lake with some friends. though you loved the rocking boat and the wind in your face, you did not love the life vest. i sincerely apologize for getting you a crappy one. i will make sure to get a more slimming vest before we go again. it was a long car ride to the lake as well, and you paid us the courtesy of having the most disgusting diaper explosion of your life before we got on the freeway. next time, aim for before we get in the car... but you get an A+ for effort.

i'm thoroughly impressed with your keeping up with the non-preemies. you are reaching for things, and turning your head to see who has walked into the room. you are super close to rolling over, and last night for the very first time you slept for SEVEN hours straight. i put you to bed at 9pm and woke up at 4am thinking i was in an alternate universe. your dad was out of town, so i think he thinks i'm making it up. i could be. or it could just be that you know mommy is only as pretty as she is because she needs (and gets) her beauty sleep.

love you to the moon and back miss claire.

-mama

two months

dear claire,

happy 2 month birthday, little girl. this month was a rough one. you seemed so sad most of the time, showing us only quick glimpses of gleeful baby. so we finally took you to the dr to find out why. turns out you have acid reflux. i'd be sad too if my throat was on fire. so the dr gave us some medicine (medicine for you - though lord knows we need drugs too) and you are slowly but surely improving. we are still waiting on the edge of our seats for that first smile of yours. i can tell you're thinking about it, you know how to and you want to (you've been secretly laughing at us fools the whole time), but it wouldn't be any fun if you didn't make us work for it. it's a good thing i have practice talking like a total idiot to my cats, otherwise i'd have to hire a drunk clown to get you to smile. there is truly nothing more entertaining than a drunk clown.

while we were falling off the edge of our seats waiting for the first smile, you did supply us with something else: your first real tears. who knew that babies don't cry real tears right away? i didn't. not to embarrass you or anything, but your first real tears weren't of joy, or over spilled milk. they were over crap. yes. crap in your pants = real baby tears. the best part about this is you did it while we were in the car. the bester part was when you got your poop on my finger as i tried maneuvering a quick diaper change on a squirmy screamy teary poopy baby in the back seat. i will never forget the "first tears" experience.

you sucked your thumb for the first time the other day, which was both cute and ridiculous. ridiculous, i say because your thumb is about the size of a match, and it'd probably be more fulfilling if you would just learn to keep the pacifier in your mouth. though i suppose that would take the fun out of pulling over into the emergency lane on the freeway and watching me attempt to crawl in back and retrieve it for you when you are in hysterics because you spit it out. we do have some good times.

during the past few weeks you've begun to hold your head up, bringing you one step closer to being a real person, and one step further away from being a slimy blob. you're still closer on the map to blobville, but at least you look good doing it. and everybody knows that looking good is all that matters. once you've mastered the head holding up trick, i am going to teach you how to fetch mommy a glass of wine, oh the fun we shall have!

this month you've spent lots and lots of time with all your grandparents. a very strange thing happens when you are with them... YOU ARE PERFECT. you eat like a piggy, you sleep like an angel, you toot sunshine and rainbows, and basically make big fat liars out of us. our parents keep telling us we're crazy - we keep threatening to call them at 3am, put you on the phone, and prove we're not. if you keep up this "precious little angel" act at your grandparents' houses, one of two things will happen. one - we will let them keep you, or two - we will kidnap them, stow them away in our attic, and only bring them down when you are yelling and pooping all over the place. so claire, please make the wise decision here.... nobody wants old people in their attic.

in between sleeping, eating and screaming bloody murder you've began to develop a cute little personality. you've just started making eye contact, staring deeply into my eyes, scrunching your nose and pursing your lips as if to say, "i'm not quite sure what the deal is here, but i definitely do not approve." i have a feeling you are going to have a few choice words for us once you learn how to talk. until then - just keep up the cute faces, they make for great pictures and i'm thinking of selling them to people with ugly babies so they can frame them in their office and not get whispered about at the water cooler.

this month you were freed from your jail. when you turned 8 weeks old your doctor approved you leaving the confinements of this house and going whereverthehellyoupleased. you know where you went? the simi valley mall. now before you get all uppiddy on me, dsome people are BORN in simi valley. so don't even start. you did really well on your first outing. let me tell you, we were crowd pleasers. people would walk by and and exclaim, "OH! SO TINY!" and i would promptly reply, "thank you! i'm on diet!" i figure i can accept your compliments as my own for a while. ...at least until you learn to fetch me wine.

love every piece of you, baby

-mama

one month

dear claire,

today we celebrated your one month birthday. what a celebration it was. you lovingly projectile puked an entire feeding on me. then i called your nana to come over so i could go spend daddy's hard earned cash on a new outfit (or two) for you as a reward. when people comment on how you already have too many clothes, i tell them (don't forget this), "a true lady has an outfit for EVERY occasion." that includes one month birthday vomit extravaganzas.

we took you to the dr's today and you weighed an astounding 6 lbs, 11oz. you've gained 50% of your body weight in 31 days. all the dr could do was let out a hearty chuckle and pat us on the back. we are TRULY amazing parents. duh. keep up the good work little piggy... but slow it down in a few years or you'll be hard pressed to find a prom dress.

i can hardly believe its been one month already. we've had you home from the nicu for 21 days now, and up until this week you've been the calmest, sweetest, gentlest baby in all the world. well sweetheart, the nurses in the nicu must have been bribing you, or drugging you or something... cuz for some reason you've recently decided it's quite fashionable to scream bloody murder.

you: "BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOMETHING IS WRONG!!! SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG!!! BUT I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHAT IT IS!!! KEEP GUESSING, YOU JERKS!!!"

us: "help!"

lucky for all of us this only happens a few times a day, otherwise it'd be awfully embarrassing and we'd have to send fruit baskets to all the neighbors within a 2 mile radius. keep up the good work baby. tone those abs!

on to your cuteness... for someone who's not supposed to be born for three more weeks you have some mad skillz, lady. you can almost hold your head up completely by yourself. one day we were all like, "hey look, she can lift her head..." then a few days later, "hey look, she can lift her head and hold it steady for a few seconds and stare you down..." then this week it's been, "hey look, she's playing the piano and remodeling the kitchen..." seriously, you're really freakishly strong. you keep kicking daddy in the gut when he feeds you, and even though it hurts, we all think it's kinda cute when you're hungry and pissed and you slap me in the face. i'll let you get away with that for about 3 more months, so enjoy every last smack. certain people would pay good money for that privilege.

as far as daddy and i are concerned... i wont lie, being new parents is tough stuff. we are so insanely tired, and at times crazy-super-dont-even-look-at-me-stressed. but every once in a while you'll open up your pretty blue eyes, stick out your pouty bottom lip, and look at us like, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?!" no sweetie, we have no effing idea. but you definitely make it worth figuring out.

welcome home baby claire. we love every second of you.

-mama